Wired is reporting that a professor at the National Defense University (am I the only one who didn’t know there even was a National Defense University?) gave a presentation on virtual worlds which included a fictional scenario of how terrorists might use the raid lingo of World of Warcraft to disguise a plot to blow up the White House.

I am nearly baffled beyond words.

Who in their RIGHT FRAKKING MIND would assume that terrorists would go to the trouble of disguising their work in some elaborate code within WoW’s chat system when they have things like–oh, I don’t know–cellular phones and text messages? What moron would think that fighting NPCs in a DIKU game is *ANYTHING* like blowing up people in real life? How detached from reality would you even have to be to consider this even remotely likely?

Okay, I’ll grant you that if, while nosing around in Second Life, you notice that someone has built a scale replica of Washington and is testing ways to blow it up, it’s worth looking into. But I can guarantee you that Osama Bin Laden has not avoided capture because he’s in his mom’s basement farming boar skins in Hellfire. I’m shocked that there isn’t a slide in this presentation insisting that Chinese gold farmers are just a cover for military strategists plotting a full-scale invasion of the US.

The best part is that WE PAID FOR THIS. With actual tax dollars. If I can find any upside, it’s that it may be possible to write off my WoW subscription by noting on my tax return that it’s being used in the War on Terror.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to monitoring the trade channel in Ogrimmar. WE CAN’T LET THE TERRORISTS WIN!

Apparently a new type of mount is being added to WoW in Wrath of the Lich King: the Hog.

Frankly, this type of thing makes it increasingly less likely that I’ll be interested in playing much WoW after the expansion comes out.

Look, I understand that WoW is full of slapstick gags, puns, and real-world references. It’s part of the game’s style, and it certainly has an appeal to many gamers. As much as I hate knowing she’s in the world, I can ignore Haris Pilton pretty easily. But I won’t be able to ignore gangs of gnomes riding past me on motorcycles.

The helicopter flying mount made by engineers was pushing it for me. Once Azeroth has the motocycle, what’s next? When will I be able to get a Hummer to drive around in, or a Maserati? (Come on, just imagine the cross marketing potential!)

Am I the only person in the world who wants to play the game so mesmerizingly portrayed in Blizzard’s intro cinematics? Frankly, I much prefer that dramatic and awe-inspiring style over the game that actually gets installed on my hard drive. And it gets increasingly harder to pretend I’m playing that idealized Azeroth when I see stuff like this becoming more prevalent in the game.

First off, let me say that any Big Timmy’s fanbois can skip right over this letter. You may be entitled to your opinion, but I don’t have to listen to it. If you plan to whine about how Big Timmy’s can do no wrong, you can go kiss ass somewhere else. Continue Reading »

When I was a kid, Saturday morning was the best. Back then there were no cable channels for kids, so the only chance to watch cartoons was on Saturday. The superhero cartoons were my favorites, but I enjoyed some of the funny ones, too.

Sunday morning was dominated by religious programming, of which I got plenty during the week at Lutheran school (yes, the double entendre is intentional). There were a couple cartoons to be seen, but usually it went straight from church services to sports. That meant I had to surrender the TV to my dad and brothers, which caused me to detest televised sports for many years.

The one redeeming thing Sunday mornings had going for them was the funnies. I left the rest of the newspaper for my mom and dad, but the comic strips were all mine. I can remember reading most of them, even if I didn’t care for some (Beetle Bailey) or didn’t understand others (Prince Valiant).

I still buy the Sunday paper, though mostly for the Best Buy ad and the coupon sections. I still look at the funny pages, but nowadays I mostly just shake my head. I have to ask: When the hell did the funny pages start being so un-funny? Continue Reading »