Working in the games industry is awesome. It’s a creative field in which, if you work hard and are very lucky, you get to make fun stuff that entertains people. If you’re very, very lucky, you even get paid to do so.

This year, that last point was not something to be taken for granted.

I was unemployed for exactly one third of 2012–four sucky months. Four months during which I wasn’t sure how I’d feed my family, how we’d pay for insurance, what we’d do if we couldn’t sell our house and get out from under our mortgage. Stress was my constant companion, and despair regularly gave me the stinkeye from across the room.

The ironic thing is, it turns out I was lucky.

After four months, I landed a great job at a place I already loved, with people I’d missed dearly. Had to endure an expensive move from one corner of the country to the other, but after that things clicked into place.

Many of my colleagues weren’t as fortunate. Some are still trying to find work, having to compete with more and more layoff victims for fewer and fewer spots. Some had a second mortgage dumped on them for a house they assumed had already been sold. Some were left with no insurance and a baby due in a matter of weeks. Some even faced cancer. All of us still have our retirement funds frozen with nothing we can do about it.

And now, some of those who had seemed to have landed okay just found out that they got laid off. Again. Twice in the same year.

There are many contributing factors as to why 2012 has sucked for most of the gaming industry, and you’ll hear no shortage of theories. We’re at the end of the current console generation. There’s a glut of social/Facebook/mobile gaming companies and the bubble is bursting. Multiple MMO companies chasing WoW overspent and under-delivered. The learning curve of the free-to-play business model has caused many big companies to stumble. No one’s funding new IP. Investors have been scared away by the economy, turning to safer bets. The list goes on and on.

I happen to think the flood of new recruits into the gaming industry is a factor. Not only do you have folks coming in through traditional avenues (QA, CS, community, related fields), you have more and more universities churning out graduates with degrees in game design, game-specific art training, and so forth. More people looking for fewer jobs–not a recipe for happiness.

Arguably the industry is going through a period of self-correction. Maybe some who have been burned badly enough–or who never got their foot in the door in the first place–will move on to other fields. But I bet most will keep trying to stick it out, because let me tell you, when all cylinders are clicking, this is a great space to be in.

But in the meantime, I’ve got more friends to worry about, more jobs to help them find. And man, that really sucks.

Looks like it’s been a while since I posted anything that wasn’t mopey. A rough few months will do that to you.

I’m pleased to be able to deliver happier news: I am once again gainfully employed, at the place where my career in games began: Sony Online Entertainment. I lead the design team as Creative Director on Vanguard, which has recently been converted into a free-to-play title.

It was an unexpected turn of events that led me back. Truth be told, I’d accepted a position at another company in a different state, but an old friend called with an offer I couldn’t refuse. Though I’d been away nearly six years, the folks at SOE have made me feel very welcome–a fantastic feeling.

So, why SOE? And why Vanguard?

Though being part of an epic collapse after years spent working on a large-scale MMO tends to have a negative effect on one’s psyche, ultimately I love this genre and couldn’t bear to stay away from it. There’s simply no challenge in game development like it. And yes, it’s risky, but when it works it’s very satisfying. I loved my time at SOE and made many great friends, so being asked back was a true honor.

As for Vanguard, I have a certain personal history with the title. I was community manager on EQ2 while Vanguard was in development, and I heard from a lot of people who told me how the latter was going to stomp all over the former. But despite some initial hard feelings over that flack, I couldn’t help but root for Vanguard; as an old-school EQ fanboy, it sounded like the type of game I really wanted to play. I was genuinely disappointed at the state of the game at launch and how it dwindled soon after.

But things change. After surviving with almost no development support for years, the conversion to free-to-play has breathed new life into the game–enough that SOE has made a serious commitment to it. Thus the hiring of folks like me, as well as bringing back some others who’ve worked on Vanguard in the past. It’s a lean, dedicated team made up of people who love the game and want to see it live up to its potential. Especially after the events of recent months, that’s the kind of redemption story I can really get behind.

Working on a live game again feels good, and making my way back to the forums is exciting too. I’ve even got FanFaire–er, SOE Live this week!

So here’s to homecomings… and happier days.

Curt Schilling was on WEEI radio this morning giving his side of 38 Studios’ demise. I would hope that anyone who’s been following the media’s presentation of this story will take the time to listen to Curt’s perspective. He deserves the chance to be heard.

I’ve had reporters and others ask me about how this situation has affected my feelings toward Curt. That’s an intensely personal question, but today’s events have moved me to answer it in broad terms–and I’d rather do it on my own blog than in someone else’s story.

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I have started and abandoned several posts over the past few weeks. I knew I needed to write something… but what story did I want to tell? An angry tirade about being screwed over? A scathing tell-all about what really happened inside 38? A self-pitying plea for a job? So many emotions inside me, a turbid swirl screaming for an outlet.

So this is what I’ve come up with.

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As of today, everyone at 38 Studios Providence and Baltimore has been laid off.

It’s a very sad end to nearly six years of great work. Despite the odds, I believed in the dream we all shared. I believed with all my heart.

I’m not sure the public will ever know the beauty of what we built… that’s maybe the hardest part of it all. We snuck out a pretty, but dated, environment fly-through and a few key images, but there is so much more that would take your breath away. I truly hope you get to see it, in some form.

I don’t know what will happen to Amalur. It will no doubt be tied up in various legal proceedings for some time, both game assets and the intellectual property as a whole.

As people lay blame and the commentators turn a heartbreaking situation into the latest industry punchline, some will probably portray the team as a bunch of screw-ups who couldn’t ship a game. The story has so, so much more to it than that. In short order, you will start hearing truths, half-truths, and lies, as well as things that are true from a certain perspective. In the end, perspectives are what makes up history… real truth lies in the midst of it somewhere.

Perhaps someday I’ll talk more about my perspective… but not today.

Today, I mourn for what almost was. Because believe it or not, we came so close to pulling it off.

On to the next dream.

I’m in California for the first time in years to attend E3. I haven’t been to the show since the height of its excess, before it was neutered. Though still manic and bombastic, it feels noticeably less chaotic to me. I have memories (now fond, at the time not so much) of being hoarse each night after trying to shout my demo script for visitors at the SOE booth because I was competing with blaring sound systems from other booths. While communication still requires some effort on the show floor, it seems considerably easier than I remember it.

The show will never again inspire the awe and wonder I experienced the first time I attended, but it’s cool nonetheless. Activision’s reveal of the MW3 trailer was a dramatic event that had the crowd breathless in anticipation. Sony and Nintendo hardware had a ton of folks checking it out. Smaller projects drew attention as well–World of Tanks had an actual tank on display.

The show had its share of underwhelming displays as well, but that’s to be expected. Overall E3 remains a genuine event, a chance for the games industry to show off a bit in the shadow of Hollywood.

The coolest bit for me was checking out the Reckoning booth and seeing our team demo the RPG. I’m really excited about players getting to learn more about our world. And seeing the latest trailer playing on EA’s gigantic booth screen gave me chills.

Guess I’m just a sucker for the pageantry of it all.

The EA Louse blog is all the rage these days, and I’m sure anyone who visits this site will have encountered many observations on its content already. I can neither confirm nor deny the author’s assertions, though of course over the years I’ve heard my share of stories about the dark secrets of various game projects. It’s a small industry, after all.

This phenomenon–disgruntled employees venting anonymously for all the world to see–is hardly new or unique. Any time an MMO or its developer hasn’t lived up to expectations, someone on the inside has leaked “the real story.” You can easily find similar posts by former employees of SOE, Sigil, Cryptic, Origin, and many other dev houses. And of course the fans and watchers of the industry pounce upon these posts and eagerly debate their merits, often with a hearty dose of “I told you so.”

The thing is, while there’s a certain amount of irresistible schadenfreude to be gleaned from these tales, one must keep in mind that they’re often written from a finite perspective. The average employee at a game development house is usually no more privy to the reasons behind the high-level decisions being made than employees in any other industry. There is no shortage of rumors and speculation–some more rooted in facts than others–but often enough bits of truth make their way into the mix to seem plausible and even likely.

Assuming that EA Louse believes everything he wrote to be the truth (which is a mighty big assumption to make, but let’s do so for the sake of argument), that does not mean that everything he wrote is factual. Another person on the same team may agree with some points and disagree with others; that doesn’t mean this person would be a lair, it just means that their experience and knowledge led them to a different perspective on what the truth is.

Again, I write this post neither to agree nor disagree with EA Louse’s post. Rather, I write to point out that everyone who posts on the Internet–me, you, EA Louse, David Jaffe, Perez Hilton, and any other goofball with a blog–does so from a certain perspective and with some kind of motivation or agenda. We mustn’t take for granted that truth is an absolute, even if it fills us with delight to believe so (there’s that old schadenfreude thing again). This is why honest post mortems are so difficult to come by; many of those involved are busy either covering their asses or looking to blame others for mistakes they themselves could have helped to avoid had they put the same degree of passion into fixing problems that they did complaining about them.

No doubt many other perspectives will be forthcoming in the days ahead (some have already been expressed in the copious comments section of the EA Louse blog), but no matter what is said, the objective facts of the situation will probably never be known to the public. Nor should they; even in our gossip-drenched culture, I hope we can collectively realize that it isn’t our right to know the details of what goes on behind a company’s closed doors any more than we’re entitled to know what Brad and Angelina ate for breakfast this morning. The Internet has done funny things to our perspective, to be sure.

That said… yeah, I got a kick out of reading it, too. I’m only human, after all.

I have not given up on blogging, despite all appearances to the contrary. It’s just that, well, I’ve been busy.

Lots of great stuff going on at work. As you may have heard, we announced our first product and have been talking about it at various shows. I know many of you are anxious for more news on the MMO, but our promotional efforts are focused on the RPG right now. All good things to those who wait.

If it counts for anything, I have started (or thought about starting) several articles over the past few months, but never finished writing them for one reason or another. So for your own amusement, please pretend that you read timely, thought-provoking, and highly entertaining posts on the following topics:

• Are used video game sales a blight upon the industry?
• The subscription MMO isn’t going anywhere
• “Truth, Lies, and Frogloks: A Cautionary Tale”
• Please buy me an iPad

That last one isn’t really an article; I’d just love for someone to buy me an iPad.

But honestly, you should really be grateful that you’re getting a break from my ramblings. You’ll probably be sick of me again soon enough.

Speaking of which, I’ll be on a panel at GDC Online next month talking about transmedia stories. Looking forward to it!

Today I, as well as a throng of coworkers, descended upon the first incarnation of PAX East. Though there wasn’t an official 38 Studios presence (no booth or big announcements this year–sorry!), our execs were nice enough to give the team the day off to attend opening day of the festivities.

First off, it’s great to have a major fan-centric gaming event in Boston. The fact that the show sold out for all three days is a testament to how many rabid gamers we have on this side of the country. No question that a show like this was long overdue.

The organizers certainly seemed to have learned a lot from the original PAX in terms of keeping things running smoothly. Though the entrance was a massive choke point (more about this later), once inside things ran like clockwork. It was fast and easy to pick up my badge, and grabbing goodie bags and program guides was a snap. Most of the lower level is a maze-like queue that winds its way toward the second floor, but despite a crowd the line was flowing briskly.

There are some weak points I hope improve next time around:

• Need a better facility – The Hynes Convention Center is not a great venue. The entryway was a massive bottleneck compared to more modern facilities. The cement floors and drab walls gave off a prison vibe. It just wasn’t a pleasant place (although easy access to a decent food court is a plus).
• Industry support felt tentative – The expo floor wasn’t exactly brimming with exciting booths. Local studio Turbine had a nice area, and a few others (like Realtime Worlds, who showed off APB) did as well. But overall it felt like many big-name publishers had little more than a token presence.

Perhaps the show’s proximity to E3 precluded many companies from committing resources, or maybe they just wanted to see how the first year of the show went. Either way, I hope there is more of a big-name presence next year–and I hope it takes place in a location that better shows all that Boston has to offer.

Overall the arrival of PAX East is a huge boon to gamers and developers alike. I’m confident the show will be a huge success and will only get better in the years to come.

On Tuesday, March 23, I’ll be speaking at the IEEE Virtual Reality 2010 Conference, taking place in nearby Waltham, MA. The panel is titled “Design for Experience?!” and if you look at the list of speakers, I am clearly the dumbest guy in the room. I can only assume they had some quota of locals that needed to be filled.

My contribution has the uncharacteristically academic title “Memorable Experiences in Virtual Worlds.” Don’t worry–I’m not going all Raphtastic on ya. I’m building upon the basic premise of my talk with Owlchick last year at GDC Austin, where we asserted that the player’s stories are more compelling than those made by game designers.

Why does this fit a virtual reality conference? The panel is all about designing user experiences, and I submit that currently the most accessible form of virtual reality is found in massively multiplayer online games. Now I just have to convince the audience of that fact.